Imagine trauma as a lingering shadow, an ethereal presence clinging to the very core of your being, rather than a visible scar etched upon your skin.
How do you define trauma? Is it simply a deeply distressing experience or a physical injury, as most dictionaries suggest? While widely accepted, this definition primarily revolves around tangible aspects – something you can see, touch, and empathise with.
However, as our understanding of mental health expands through ongoing research, a new perspective emerges. "Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness," states Peter A Levine.
This redefined view shifts the focus from the external event to the internal response, acknowledging that it's not the experience itself but how we internalise it that shapes our future. Trauma alters our brain, nervous system, and behaviours, manifesting in various forms like eating disorders, chronic pain, and anxiety.
Perhaps you, like many, may assert that you've been fortunate enough to escape lasting trauma. That would have been my sentiment not long ago.
"But how?" you might wonder. The answer lies not in recent traumatic events but in a newfound awareness of the long-standing trauma that has silently
influenced me for years.
Britt Frank's insight resonates, "Anywhere choices are absent, trauma is likely to be present." This absence of choice often occurs during childhood, a stage where we encounter a prolonged lack of autonomy. Dr Naomi Fisher points out that the peak of autonomy in childhood is around three years old.
While directives like "Don't touch that, it's hot!" are well-intentioned, others like "Put on your coat, it's cold!" or "Sit still at the table!" might inadvertently sow the seeds of trauma. The child, conforming to external expectations, learns to distrust their own needs. For instance, a child with hypermobility may have been moving to alleviate pain, only to be forced into stillness, unknowingly planting the seeds of internal conflict.
Over the years, these coping mechanisms become ingrained, masking the true self to 'fit in' and conform. Unconscious and involuntary, this transformation occurs without the child's awareness. The person they were designed to be, the potential they carried from conception, diverges from the one that surfaces in adulthood.
And here lies the trauma.
While not intending to downplay the impact of traumatic events, these lesser-known forms of trauma may be more insidious in their effects. Unlike more widely recognised traumas, this type remains concealed, both by society and the individual.
To overcome it, the first crucial step is acknowledgement.
We have grown so accustomed to this altered version of ourselves, with its conforming behaviours and thoughts, that we mistake it for our true identity. The blame is internalised, leading us to strive for improvement without understanding of the root cause, resulting in repeated failures.
Distinguishing our authentic self from the parts influenced by trauma demands considerable time and energy, constituting a formidable challenge. There are a variety of ways of doing this and it will often take several attempts by an individual to find the methods that work for them.
Journaling, accessible to almost everyone, remains one of the most popular and effective. I have also personally found to be beneficial is Internal Family Systems (IFS), offering this option to my clients when appropriate.
Unearthing buried trauma isn't about assigning blame but reclaiming the autonomy stolen and rediscovering the person you were truly meant to be.
Recognising that trauma isn't always visible, but its impact on your well-being is profound, acknowledging the hidden aspects of your experiences and behaviours is crucial.
😊 A Smile and a Thought 🤔
Why did the teenager bring a suitcase to the "Behave Like an Adult" convention? They were ready to pack up and leave the irony behind when society told them to act grown-up but insisted on choosing their bedtime!
"Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive." - Danielle Bernock
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